Diaper Runs are Danerous
by xmenfan33
Summary: Wade volunteers to go get diapers. But then, he's so easily distracted. Part of the babysitting series.


**_DISCLAIMER: I do not own X-men Evolution_**

**_Part of the Babysitting Series_**

**_Diaper runs are Dangerous_**

_Wade volunteers to go get diapers. But then, he's so easily distracted._

It was early on a Saturday morning when Rogue realized that Oli was low on diapers. Not worried, she went around asking the other mothers if they could spare any. Apparently Diapers had been neglected on the weekly shopping list, because they all realized, as she did, that they were low.

So now, all of the mothers were discussing who wanted to go to the store, no one really wanting to go out right now. Wade overheard the conversation, and quickly volunteered to go. He hadn't been out all week, and was bored. He also wanted to be helpful.

The women quickly agreed, and handed him the list. He glanced at it as he got into the car, apparently he was buying six boxes of small diapers, two boxes of wipes, and for some reason one of them had added a product that he couldn't find a way to avoid buying, though he really, really didn't want to. Pads. Why was that on the list? Were they trying to torture him? Oh well, he'd figure it out.

Wade arrived at the store without incident, which was better than he usually managed, so he was pleased. Then he ran into trouble. Because they had so many departments here. Interesting departments full of things that he really wanted. Like the hunting department….. and the housewares. Wade tried, really hard, for about ten minutes, to stick to the list. Then he saw a display. A display full of the awesome looking chopping thing he saw on the commercial last night.

" Do they really need six boxes of diapers?" Wade asked himself. " Doesn't that seem a bit excessive?" He reasoned, trying to decide if he could justify buying the cutting thing he didn't remember the name for.

" Sir, how much are you charging for that whats-its-name over her?" Wade attempted to ask a clerk politely. The problem however, was that Wade tended to frighten people, without meaning too. So the clerk ran off.

"Why do they always do that? Do I smell or something?" Wade wondered, before shrugging and returning to the display to look for a price tag. This is when he remembered that Jean had handed him the school credit card instead of cash. So he could afford both.

Five minutes later, Wade rushed down the feminine hygiene aisle, grabbed the first package he reached, and ran back up. He completely ignored the strange looks he received, as he was attempting to remain inconspicuous. A feat he never managed on an average day, but was even harder to achieve while screaming " Don't look at me, they aren't mine" while running through an aisle designed for women.

While running full steam though the store, to avoid anyone noticing the buried contents in his cart, he ran into Kurt. Kurt fell down, of course, and Wade's basket tipped over, spilling out the diapers, pads, and his cutting thing (that he still couldn't remember the name of.).

" Sorry, ah, Kurt, right?" Wade stated as he righted his cart and began reloading it.

" That's okay. I just thought I died there for a minute." Kurt stated, brushing himself off, before he spotted the stuff Wade was loading into his cart. The idea of multiple babies made him scream. As usual, he sounded very much like a girl.

" You're kind of delayed, aren't you?" Wade stated.

" B-b-babies." Kurt stuttered.

" Yes, we have lots of them over at the institute." Wade stated.

Then Kurt finally recognized him, and screamed, disappearing.

" Okay then." Wade stated, whistling.

He forgot , in the aftermath of the crash, that he had been heading to check out. He had also somehow lost the list. So, he stood there trying to decide what it was he was supposed to buy. Then he spotted the hunting department, and happily walked over to the displays.

Ten minutes later, the store was suspiciously empty, Wade wondered again, why people were so weird. All he had done was demonstrate, with a mannequin, why you should always leave your safety on. Their gun selection was terrible anyway. He already owned at least two of everything they had. He was able to pick up some new knives however.

As he was about to once again head towards check out he spotted the Entertainment department, and noticed the title of the game Julian had told him about. So he grabbed one of each game expansion and extras. Then he saw the fighting games.

Enthralled in a fighting demo, Wade barely noticed as security crept up on him. He was almost surprised when they grabbed him, stating that he had to leave. Wade does _**not**_ take kindly to being grabbed….or being surprised. So of course, they ended up being thrown off of him, into the pet foods display. This then reminded Wade that he was almost positive that goldfish for the pond had been on his list, so screaming " I'm a paying customer", and waiving Xavier's credit card, he ran toward the fish tanks.

He was intercepted by the store manager, who had received multiple complaints from both customers and staff. The manager was a short, portly man with a permanent scowl. This scowl had deepened as reports regarding Wade had come in. When one clerk had informed him that the man had an Xavier's credit card, he was surprised. After all, that was the same place that the horde of teenagers and their crying dolls came from. They claimed it was a school, but he suspected it was actually an mental hospital, or something similar. Possibly one of those delinquent homes.

" Excuse me, sir." The manager began in a condescending tone. " I have received multiple complaints regarding your behavior and am afraid I shall have to ask you to leave."

" Okay." Wade stated, waiting.

" Sir, really I must ask that you leave."

" I understand that, sir, go ahead." Wade replied.

" I'm sorry?"

"No need to apologize. Just go ahead; ask what you need to, because I really am in a hurry. I must finish the shopping, after all."

" Sir, you misunderstood me, I was asking that you leave. Now."

" Wait. When did you ask?"

" When we started this conversation."

" … I think I would have remembered if you had asked, sir. Now as interesting as this conversation has been, I really need to get back to my list. Have a nice day." Wade stated, as he turned away from the red-faced manager.

A minute later he turned back to ask if he could help to get Wade's fish. The manager, however, had already walked away to call for help. Shrugging, Wade then searched for a clerk. A few minutes later, he had added two dozen packages of athletic socks to his cart, and completely forgotten why he'd been searching for the clerk.

He then happily went through the Men's department, buying a wide variety of red tee shirts, before he spotted the groceries section. He quickly discovered then, that they had a nice selection of his favorite foods.

" Look! Waffles! OH! And Pizzas! Nacho Chips! OH MY GOD CHIMICHUNGAS! " Wade exclaimed , as he filled his cart with items.

Frowning at his now overflowing cart, Wade finally made his way to the front of the store, adding additional items along the way. He reached the check-out, There was a surprising number of baggers waiting for him. (The manager had seen him coming.) So he happily began unloading his cart, adding a few more things from the display in check-out, and waiting patiently for the total, when he suddenly stated, to the half-finished baggers " Paper, please."

" Bu-but, we don't have paper,sir." The tearful bagger stated.

Wade stared blankly at the bagger for a moment, before looking at the clerk and manager for confirmation. How could they _**not**_ have paper?!

His stare was intense enough that the manager was about to send a bagger to BUY some bags, when the clerk said. " Sir, we no longer carry paper, however, if you are environmentally conscious, then we have these canvas bags. They are completely reusable, and reasonably priced at only a dollar each."

Wade stared at the bags, thinking. " And everytime, you bring them back in to use, we will give you fifty cents off your purchase." The clerk added, ignoring the manager's glare.

Finally, he smiled, and stated " Thank you, ma'am, I'll go with that."

He then handed over the credit card, and happily walks out of the store, much to their relief.

He arrived home, and honked the horn to get the others to come help. After all both the trunk and the backseat were extremely full. Plus he had decided, since he was already out, to go through the drive-thru for the household, making sure to buy kids meals for Kaitie, Rhane, and Jamie.

Everyone came out to help, though Xavier glared pointedly when he saw the number of bags and Logan scowled. Wade quickly fixed this however, while unloading the bags. First he handed Xavier a sound activated light switch for his room, so that he could easily turn out his light, without running into things, anymore. Xavier was ecstatically pleased, as he rolled off to get Hank to install it.

Wade then pulled out a claws trimmer (that declared, "As seen on TV!") and handed it to Logan, who happily walked away. Wade then began dispensing the rest of his purchases as the kids, and grown-ups, lined up.

He handed out everything from CDs and Make-up to new clothing. He had even managed to buy a few (dozen) packs of cards for Remy and some new toys for the kids.

" Wait. Is this like Christmas in July?" Jamie asked as he held his kids meal in one hand and his new racetrack in the other.

" I COMEPLETELY forgot Christmas! I need to go back to the store!" Wade stated, gathering up his new canvas bags.


End file.
